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Vol. 12
I am sitting here on Wednesday, January 18, fittingly writing to you on the Day of Mercury, the day that rules communication. I have just got off from a meeting that left me feeling emotional. I can't quite put a name to how I am feeling at the moment. I wouldn't say overwhelmed because that word feels like an understatement to everything else going on. And I am not feeling emotional as a result of the meeting; it went well, but it really was a reality check. It put things into perspective or changed my perspective of things. I feel that so much amazing stuff is happening in my life and my business, but I also feel like things are changing dramatically.
It's unclear why or how there were some things I was so certain to have wanted but now don't fit. I am re-evaluating in a way, and the decisions are not being made for me - this decision comes from me. But it remains inexplicable and sad nonetheless. So sure about one thing and almost feeling like I am letting go of it the next.
Anytime I want to connect with myself and breathe, allowing any wisdom to come to me or through me, I am always brought back to this idea of surrounding myself with beautiful things, of doing beautiful things. As a highly aesthetic person (being Libran/Taurean and all that jazz), I find myself instantly disgusted if things aren't to the level of my standard. To the standard of an art gallery or a high-end boutique in Soho, New York (it's at once dramatic and comical and ridiculous to even say so and admit to you, I am laughing as I share this!).
I was having a conversation with my husband the other day, wondering and contemplating to no real avail how people could not care about their surrounds or themselves. How individuals might not want to invest in themselves, or why they hold back from acts of self-care and investing in taking care of our Temple. Not lavish things either, simple things like washing the face, brushing the hair, adorning oneself with clothes that make you feel comfortable and express your uniqueness. Of course, this is a rather superficial deliberation because I am well aware that everyone has a unique story and has a right to do things in their own way. But my rumination was an impulse to rationalise it from a psychological perspective (I am always wanting to dissect and understand something – it's the scientist and researcher in me). And in these moments, my various trains of thought meet with the spiritual, esoteric and occult parts of me despite their differences, expanding my awareness.
In response to this above sentiment, my husband told me that I would never find another me. He pointed out that I was searching for a collective of people who are so similar to me that finding this so-called group of desired friends is just setting myself up for disappointment. At that moment, I was reminded of how unrealistic my expectations were. These extreme visual and sensorial standards within me served me so well within the Fashion industry and in what I do now. It has served me most of my life and got me to great heights out of the deepest pits of hell. Because I was always able to see things from a multi-faceted perspective and when I meet others who are slightly narrow-minded or see through a more singular lens, I become shut down and uninterested. It's not something I am proud of, but it is the truth, time is so precious, and I want to spend the spare time I manage to find mulling over hundreds of different topics and possibilities with like-minded individuals. It is my way of seeing things and putting them out there in a way that is unique to me. It is the essence of who I am, making something beautiful out of the resources I have at that time.
As I reflected on my desires for this year, I realised that I want to call in more art: I want to purchase more art and adorn my surroundings with beautiful art objects. I want to invest in those things because I want to get rid of so many things in order to be surrounded by beauty. When I am feeling a bit "meh" about myself, I long for this - I want to surround myself with more Artists. Presently, I am wearing so many hats that connecting to what I find beautiful in a tangible sense feels right. It feels like the next logical step because I know it will enable me to deliver things to my standard (that has been difficult to do as things move so quickly, growing exponentially), which helps me to continue my refinement and to level up.
As much as I am reluctant to admit it, I don't sit too often with this feeling of sadness that I described at the opening of this musing. I could almost say that despite being aware of them, they are still suppressed and depressed to a certain extent. I am always jumping from one thing to the next on this growing list of duties and responsibilities I have for myself, my family, and my business. There is no time to wallow about things I didn't do because there is always something else that needs to get done. But I know it's more important than ever to connect to and honour what I want.
In truth, the thing I perhaps need most in my life is structure. I need to follow the rhythms of how I feel in my body, my feelings, and my inner cycles. I talk about cycles a lot, and sometimes this idea is misunderstood. It isn't exclusive to women and menstruation – this remains one aspect of cyclical living. In reality, men and women follow unique cycles in that they are unique to us. Our minds have a cycle, and our heartbeats have a cycle, our hormones cycle as a result of our movement or lack thereof, or stressors - everything has a sequence. This constant movement is not linear but circular. Circles. And when we can identify them within ourselves, we begin to put the pieces back together.
If we were to remove the cyclical labels of astrology or moon days, we could, in fact, map out our feelings and recognise some consistency. If we tune in and focus on ourselves and begin to map out how we are feeling each day (such as joy/power/sun/warmth or sad/cold/rain/gloomy/chocolate), we will notice a pattern in the way we feel on certain days and in certain seasons and certain phases of our life. They might resonate with the ruling planets of the days of the week, our brain chemistry, or our biology and equilibrium, but they are, in fact, always moving and changing, throughout the day, throughout the seasons, and throughout the year. By connecting to the cycles around us (the seasons) and those within us (our feelings and constitution), we begin to notice our unique cyclical nature, our unique essence.
This meeting I had today can only be described as that pressure point between a breakthrough or a breakdown. These two feel very much the same until you come out of it on the other side. In the thick of it, it is not clear which it is or if there is another side to come out of. It only becomes apparent upon reflection (as I mentioned in the previous musing) – it becomes clear when we look back and reflect.
When we allow ourselves to come back together, to bring the pieces of every aspect of ourselves: the uncertainty, the decisions, the changes, and all the things that come along with that, we are enabling ourselves to rebuild ourselves. And we rebuild this refined version of who we are. Having let go of this version of ourselves or this thing that we wanted because, in fact, we've grown so much since the original idea, we meet ourselves changed and remoulded on the other side - different. This is why the things we want shift and change along with us. This is why success is not a fixed point, but it's an ever-evolving process of redefining what you want and working toward that.
Redefining and changing is the essence of cyclical living. By attuning ourselves to the cycles within, we naturally start to see that we are of the Earth (not just on it). We are in tune within ourselves just as she is attuned outside of us.
Redefining and changing is the essence of cyclical living. By attuning ourselves to the cycles within, we naturally start to see that we are of the Earth (not just on it). We are in tune within ourselves just as she is attuned outside of us. When I have these moments where I am re-evaluating my feelings, I can become more clear on who I am in that very moment. This comes from acknowledging how I feel and identifying what I love and don't love. It's about tuning into me. This process then leads to recognising how I may have outgrown a situation, configuration, or desire, prompting me to mould it into something different.
When you are in these times of feeling confused or contradictory, tune into what you want. For me, at this moment, it is beauty: "surround yourself with beauty, be with beauty, wear beauty, eat beauty, have beautiful things that you can see, touch, smell, and taste, allow these things to remind you of who you are, of that soul essence of who you are". These are the whispers that keep coming to me. I am a very sensory-fueled person, and it's been a huge part of me. But beauty may not be something that resonates with you, and perhaps you have whispers of water: "hear water, be near water, taste water…" What is it that is whispering to you?
By allowing ourselves to respond to those primordial forces within us enables us to rediscover what matters most to us: to blossom, to grow, to have solid roots. As I mentioned, earth-centred living is often misunderstood. We make it so linear, compartmentalised, and specific to certain things. Earth-centred living does not mean you have to be an earth-hippie, hugging trees every day. Rather, it means that you are placing importance on this Earth (one of the trillions of planets in many galaxies). You are allowing her to support the forces within you. We cannot remember our previous lives (I acknowledge some individuals specialise in past life regression), but how far back can you actually remember in this present moment? This planet has been evolving and transforming since the beginning of time, for eternity, and so have the trillion other planets and galaxies that surround us. When we're able to see nature, her directions, her elements, cycles and her seasons, we truly get to know ourselves. We truly get to connect with these ancient threads: the knowledge, the ancestral guidance and wisdom that we have so much been disassociated from.
There is a tendency and desire to connect with these quick cycles rather than the longer ones because we want quick fixes. We want to get out of it now. But we forget that we are made of the same elements as the plants and the stars, and they themselves are made of the special union of the five elements that we are made of. Earth-based living isn't about being a witch or practising magick, it's about having the Earth at our centre and developing an intimate relationship with her. It is just that most of those who identify with this way of living are also Witches, practitioners of Esoteric arts and magick.
I have been thinking about this more of late in the wake of our re-launch of Moon Mail as a seasonal offering. The main idea of this was prompted by a desire to teach people about the Earth's cycles and how we might utilise them on a much longer time frame in order to prompt reflection rather than look a year back, on our birthdays or at the New Year. It is reflection that honours our own processes, our own desires, and our feelings, allowing us to work backward from these feelings as our point of reference and discover how and where things changed.
We breathe air, we inhale and exhale the same air that the trees take in. There are bits and pieces of everything within everything that we touch and hear and see and taste. The moon moves the ocean and the tides in a woman's womb. We are nature, and we are within this great web of creation, and it's important for us to be heart-centred and have intention going forward. It doesn't mean that everything is going to go smoothly, earth-centred living isn't the thing that will fix it all. Instead, it invites you to check in with yourself. Are you making decisions, so someone approves of you or to fit into some crowd? Is this what you want? Or are you put off because someone judged what you had to say or what you wanted to do?
What is it that you truly want? And how do you feel about that?
I know that, at this moment, I want to lie down. I want to be left alone for one hour, the kids watching their own thing, and I am watching my own thing. I want to be undisturbed and uninterrupted. And then, I want to make a delicious mushroom risotto for dinner with a glass of my favourite Sicilian Catarratto. This is my immediate fix. From this point, I might go further and ask myself, what is a less immediate fix? My answer at this moment is to get my daily schedule cleaned up and design a better evening rhythm. My process builds from there: what is the next thing that I need? What is the next priority? My answer: to go for a morning swim in the ocean and feel the crisp water wash everything away. I might even take my girls, and we could snorkel together. And then, what is the next thing I need after that?...
By working your way through things in this way, by checking in with yourself each day with these priorities, this is your key to Earth-centred living and honouring your cycles. It's unique to you, between every aspect of you. No need to take heed to how it might look on the outside or to someone else: forget if it's not healthy (food etc.); forget that it's not what you're supposed to do on a Wednesday afternoon at 1:00 pm. What is it that you want? Pave that way forward.
Reviewing, redefining. Focusing on what you want and what you feel. Knowing that you will have to pass through obstacles to get there without having to create all of these different steps and mazes and structures to get there. Simplify and take it all the way and allow yourself, for a moment, to see it with really clear eyes. And for me, it's bringing in beautiful things, a little at a time, piece by piece.
So I guess the point of all this is: allow yourself to connect with the beats of your heart and those of the Earth and her seasons in order to reclaim this fullness that is within us even when we feel empty. You are part of this great, beautiful web of creation, and you are the only one who can decide what is true to you. Weave yourself in these regenerative currents. Regeneration itself is a love story. Weaving ourselves within something greater - a story that is your own and that becomes part of something greater, forever changing, forever evolving.
"She changes everything She touches, and everything She touches changes. Everything lost is found again, in a new form, in a new way;
Everything hurt is healed again, in a new time, in a new day.
We are changers, everything we touch can change".
- A reclaiming song from my traditions of Witchcraft.
In love,
Brooke x
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