THE JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY

VOL.22

EMBRACING CHANGE THROUGH INTEGRITY AND ONES PROJECTION.

This week I was in the process of yet another alteration in my business and in my life. As many of you may have seen, throughout the 4 years that The Ritual has been active, it has gone through many iterations, revisions, upgrades, and transformations. Whether it was the colour scheme of the brand, the images and photography used, the people I worked with, the offerings I put forward, or the knowledge I’ve shared. This metamorphosis has been reflective of my own changes in life, in mindset, in perspective, and it has been a result of where my journey and my healing and my resolution has guided me. There were times where I lost my way and that is normal. I am human and there have been pitfalls, roadblocks, setbacks that have all been lessons on this journey of being self-employed and a mother.

While brands and businesses do require direction and clarity to launch and move forward profitably, they also evolve with their offerings, whether it’s obvious or not. Some people may disagree and tell you otherwise but your core, your essence, who you are is always known to you, we just have to have the courage to acknowledge it. One thing that I have noticed in my life is how losing my way often happened when I forgot myself.

I have developed a very strong sense of self. It has taken some work to get here but I can say with confidence that I know who I am. As I said in my previous musing, my gift to my children and to all of you, is to share how you might also be able to develop and maintain a sense of self, a strong sense of identity and belonging. It’s important to know who we are so that we don’t fall into other people’s traps. But to be clear, it takes practice. We are often tested in this domain to establish what we will stand for or to help us hone in on what we will tolerate and this is where that Agency helps us to navigate the situation toward our desired result.

Contrary to popular belief, we don’t just wake up on day 41 of our 40-day meditation challenge or an intensive detox suddenly enlightened to who we are. This is the way the industry often markets it to us, but it is simply not true. These are tools to help us better understand ourselves but no one ever tells you that. The industry remains prescriptive rather than allowing us an opportunity to explore our feelings, to explore our desires, to explore why an interaction with this person felt good and the same conversation with someone else didn’t.

Take a bath, they say; add some salts to it, they say. Let it wash all your sins away! This is their version of self-care. But what sins are we really washing away, if we present ourselves in the same way when we encounter a similar situation. Where do we begin when we don’t even know who we are? I stand by the idea that we know ourselves best but we don’t often give ourselves the opportunity, the time or the space to explore who we are.

Most people are of the opinion when they encounter a particularly sticky situation: “This is the way I am.” This common narrative of, “But I am Virgo, or Gemini, so that's just how I am’’, these things don't define who we are, they are lenses to view different archetypes through, they are lessons we can choose to help guide us—if we want to. They forget that they can change the way they behave, they forget that they can approach someone or something differently. Most of us are not living the lives we want but are trapped by an idea that was not ours to begin with.

I am quite confident when holding space and talking, I have spoken in front of hundreds of people at one given time and people always say how confident I am with public speaking. It might seem like I was born with a strong sense of self, this confidence but as I said, it is a practice, one that has taken years to perfect and refine. But to amend what I said, it is not really about how confident I am, it is more so that I believe in what I am doing and talking about. I throw myself completely into something and live and breathe it. I become it. I would not define that as confidence but characterise it as an energy; the energy of a person who is passionate about what they share. But it took time, it took experiences like the one I am about to tell you about, to create the building blocks of my sense of self, to have the courage to immerse myself fully in the way that I do.

At one point in my business it was as if I had lost my way. I trusted a consultant and their team to support my expansion and the growth I was experiencing after being stocked in some of the world’s most prestigious department and online stores. I was promised so much; I was told so many stores wanted me to launch this and that and that they had demanded outrageous units to order because their interest in me saw no bounds. I got myself into a really hard and tight place as a one woman production team, with only the money I had and one credit card. It was all very captivating and it worked for a while until I realised that what I was being told was all total bull shit! I realised that even though I was getting orders and was told these stockists wanted so much more from me and my brand, it was all like the glitzy, diamond encrusted carrot in my face and I wanted to eat it all. Everything that I had to do was coming at such a cost, that I could not control any of it. So, I had to sever ties with that consultant and make the difficult decision to not take on large accounts anymore. I learned (the harder way, by going through it) that aligning or dedicating myself to this consultant came with its own set of challenges. This person wanted the big names and was using my business to get there. Without any regard or integrity to my product, they insisted that I change things on my packaging and on my website to fit the standards of the people she said she would put me in contact with. I was being washed out and diluted to fit someone else’s idea. In this way, you come to a point where you do not belong to you anymore unless you’re some huge profit based company.

To make a long story short, I was running (my business and myself) on empty and when I came out the other side, I couldn’t believe that I let this person pull a smoke and mirrors act over me. That is what happens when we fall out of alignment with ourselves, when we let another steer the ship. And although I used the same strategy that I described in the previous musing about asking questions, I did not have the energy or mental capacity to see the lies they were telling me – I got distracted by the glitz that I had forgotten that this person’s way was not the way I wanted to get it. And it didn’t stop until I was in a very bad place financially and I had to absolutely get out. This is something I would like to talk more about in a business workshop of some sort in the future, because it’s important as Women in business, to be aware of how many people come to you when you have a win or two. Suddenly they come out of the woodwork attracted to your projection in the world and want a piece for themselves. Navigating what we might call this new popularity is a process. This experience taught me and reminded me so much about the direction toward which I want to take my business and how I want to get there. Now, I choose to work with small stockists who value my product and the slowness and intention with which I create them. It took this situation with this person (a definite lesson) to remind me of my roots and what matters most. Integrity before all.

This next piece is shared with permission. In a deeply personal and transformative Private Session, a client shared their story, highlighting a common struggle many of us face. This individual, despite not working in the fashion industry, found immense joy in fashion and dressing up. However, a disconnect arose as they felt their workplace and surrounds was not the appropriate setting for their exquisite collections. This dissonance created a situation where the clothes seemed to rather wear her, drawing attention and making her feel out of place. Her perception of being judged or criticised hindered her self-expression and limited her potential in various aspects of life.

This experience resonates with us all, as we often adapt to fit into our environments, avoiding standing out too much for fear of negative attention. This client of mine, a beautiful butterfly feeling trapped in a cocoon, played small and held back her incredible talents and creations from the world. Unconsciously, she confined themselves to a smaller world, unable to fully embrace her uniqueness. It crossed over into so many areas within her life.

Delving deeper, we explored why the opinions of others held such power over them. This inquiry led to profound realisations about the areas in which she remained silent and stagnant, where she was allowing herself to be up for negotiation and understanding that her sense of being stuck was self-imposed. The client's choice of fashion and beautiful possessions served as a subconscious plea to break free from her limitations, to align her inner and outer landscapes.

This powerful journey of self-discovery invites us all to reflect on the ways we may be constraining ourselves, conforming to societal expectations or the fear of judgment. It's an invitation to embrace our true essence, to let go of the need for approval, and to create a harmonious alignment between our inner desires and outer expression. Through this transformation and actualisation we can step into a life of authenticity, self-empowerment, and limitless possibilities.

The way we choose to adorn ourselves and fashion in general are often dismissed as unnecessary or pursuits of vanity, but they hold a deeper significance and I am pretty sure that most of us here love to procure beautiful things (wink, wink). They provide us with a means to express ourselves authentically in life. If feelings of guilt or shame arise around these aspects (or any other areas), it is crucial to explore the underlying reasons and identify the source of lack. In the client's case, this recurring issue prompted us to delve into it together, encouraging her to take creative leaps and manifest her desires, thus reconnecting with her true self.

Shifting our perspective on dressing up and looking at it more as an adornment, we where able to embark on reframing the narrative. Instead of viewing it as a frivolous endeavour, we recognised its potential to work to her advantage. Dressing became a vehicle to extend her self-perception and influence how she carried herself. When we look good, we feel good, and we can consciously shape and embody the person we aspire to be. In essence, it is about leveraging our loves and go-to's not as "crutches" but by reframing them into empowering tools. Projection, in this context, involves granting oneself permission to show up authentically.

The client's previous perspective on dressing well in an environment that didn't align with it had consequences on her self-perception and the projection she manifested. The life she was living was not fulfilling her and thus she felt she could not look, feel or act as herself. By shifting focus on who she was or who others thought she was and onto where she was, meant that by embracing her identity as someone who values self-care and takes pride in showcasing her efforts could create the life she desired. The first step was removing herself from those that questioned her "who" and that paved the way for the rest to transform. This transformative exercise serves as a reminder that we can infuse intention into the things we enjoy, ultimately shaping the desired outcomes in any situation.

By harnessing the power of intention and aligning our actions with our aspirations, we unlock the potential for profound personal growth and transformation. It is an invitation to explore how our passions and preferences can serve as catalysts for positive change and the embodiment of our true selves. Because to a certain extent, projection is about giving yourself permission to show up in the way you want.

The way we choose to place ourselves in any situation comes from the confidence and reverence we have for who we are and thus, translate to how we live our lives.

The way we choose to place ourselves in any situation comes from the confidence and reverence we have for who we are and thus, translate to how we live our lives. When I have these moments of refinement in my own life too, I am baffled by my own unconscious knowledge of not doing what I need to do to make x, y and z happen. When I wake up to the call of any resolution it always appears so simply, as such a simple act.

We live in a results based world where everyone wants this big song and dance, profound experiences but growth comes in little steps, little almost unrecognisable triumphs. Together they add up over time. This is not unlike my own fitness journey. I take my measurements at the end of each week schedule and they come down little by little; 1 cm one week, nothing the next. It’s an uneven progress, or so it seems because when I look at it over a 6 week period, I am like “Damn! I lost 5 cm around my waist”. I get excited that all that inflammation and stagnant energy is moving out of my body to reveal a little more of me. I don’t say this as a body obsessed person, I say this as someone who has had multiple abdominal surgeries and has suffered from chronic inflammation around my tummy for years, that constant pregnancy belly look. All these little modifications both inwardly (from a mental perspective) and outwardly (from a physical perspective), were merely forms of understanding what was going on within.

Our projection, the way we carry ourselves, exerts a profound influence on everything in our surroundings. It shapes our interactions and leaves an indelible impact.

Our outward demeanour is not solely dictated by our appearance; it encompasses much more. It encompasses how we communicate, our body language, and even our reactions in the presence of specific individuals. When we consciously choose to shrink or withdraw, or when our voices feel diminished, we can view these moments as opportunities for growth. They become stepping stones that propel us towards becoming the person we aspire to be. Our projection, the way we carry ourselves, exerts a profound influence on everything in our surroundings. It shapes our interactions and leaves an indelible impact.

In our journey of self-reflection and personal growth, we uncover numerous avenues to bring about positive change and align ourselves with our true aspirations. It is vital that these transformations originate from our authentic selves rather than conforming to societal expectations. This process involves:

1. Purposefully shaping our inner and outer image, directing it in alignment with our desired outcomes, and consciously navigating our path.

2. Harnessing the power of our projection by understanding and utilising it to our advantage.

3. Embracing change as an integral part of our growth. There will be moments when we outgrow our previous notions of self, brand, or life, and that's perfectly natural and acceptable.

By cultivating awareness of how we attract the beauty of life, and unapologetically expressing our true selves in every interaction, we free ourselves from the fear of not being liked or rejected. We recognise that rejection can actually be a form of protection, guiding us toward what truly aligns with our purpose and path. As I mentioned in Vol.20, we cannot allow negotiations on our identity. We must stand firmly in our knowing, acknowledging and embracing who we truly are with courage and conviction.

By embracing our true selves and confidently expressing our authentic nature, we unleash our inner power and command our experiences and relationships. With unwavering self-awareness and the courage to honour our true desires, we navigate life's journey with purpose and fulfilment. Let us embark on this transformative path, where self-discovery, growth, and unapologetic self-expression lead us to a life of alignment, joy, and profound connection with ourselves and the world around us.

Amoureuse,

Brooke x